Kirk Vs. Picard

[Arcane Wizard]

I don't know how many ever saw the old star trek episodes with captain kirk, but I found this to be amusing so I thought I'd post it here...

100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
99. Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97. One Word: Hair.
96. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and a the consequences!!
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
89. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
87. Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale
population.
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the
Federation.
80. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remainedrelatively healthy.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical
advantage.
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off
--even around those pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
74. One Word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to
climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter,
Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship
Enterprise.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
69. One Word: Iman. 68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and shit down
its neck.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old
janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
62. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named
after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be
dead.
55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a
"Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
54. One Word: Miniskirts.
53. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red
shirts.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the
trombone.
50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly
translated as "GO F*CK YOURSELF."
48. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
42 Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
41. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
40. Two Words: Line Delivery.
39. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes
with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay
in Iowa to put himself through school.
38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate,
charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his
enemies. (Need we say more?)
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One Word: Fisticuffs.
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for
resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20.Two Words: Crane Shots.
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute
things, like Tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to
call him"four eyes."
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard
doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
10. Kirk never once, ever,wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on
shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting
ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
6. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
5. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even
impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
1. One Word: Balls.

[Adm.Wiggin]

hehe, i saw that on the same website, just DONT post the one that is Picard winning Kirk... it is not pretty... ubsurd, picard, better than Kirk?

[KD5YTX]

Wow, I'm surprised this forum doesn't have a block for the words "Picard better than Kirk..." If we filter anything, that should be on the list.


"That would not be logical, captain." "I don't care about logic, kill those Klingon ninjas!"

[NETWizz]

Nah,

Picard was a good Captain. His lack of hair was his only demise.

As for Janeway, she was nice too; however, I think 7 was a bit better.

Deep Space Nine had Sisco; he ruled. The Dominion was interesting too...a good plot. I miss the 3 and 4 part episodes they had in DS9.

Enterprise is okay, but Archer is a bit different than the other captains... and tapol is no 7 of 9 either. Hell, she doesn't even act vulcan.

However, they did add an extra layer of sexuality haveing the first officer go to the vulcans quarters, the deontamination gel, and the dancing aliens.

I really do not like Enterprise as much as I liked the others, but it will do.

[KD5YTX]

I can't stand to watch anything past NextGen - I can barely stand those. Kirk was the man. Picard was an attempt at diversity gone wrong. Past that, may God have mercy upon the other show's souls...


When in doubt, swing your catana like James did, swing it well.

[Arcane Wizard]

I only like Star Trek and Star Trek Voyager, but I don't watch any kind of Star Trek episodes anymore.

[DmitriB]

i havent seen enough of the old show but from the little that i have seen i can say that the old show was terrible. you can see the zippers on the monsters suits and william shatner couldnt act his way out of a paper bag. not only that but patrick stewart is the only major character whose career wasnt ended by that show. and dont even say that shatner's carrer isnt on a downward spiral, all he does are b-movie chick flicks and "priceline" commercials.

dont get me wrong the old show was cool but DS9 was better. it was out in the middle of nowhere under constant threat of attack with little or no back-up ever available.

[KD5YTX]

Without the original series, the world of SciFi media would have suffered severely - it's not easy being revolutionary. In its day, and still today (maybe even just if for nostalgic purposes), Kirk kicked the crap out of everything else.

:evil::ph34r:
"Two words, Samurai - Buck Rogers."
:ph34r:

[Arcane Wizard]

[KD5YTX]

The problem that faces SciFi shows is that the audience they are directed to is that of the geek population (with the exception of various slipups and one horrifyingly backsliding producer and director *Lucas* *cough* *cough*), who scrutinizes everything with utmost scientific detail.

:evil::ph34r:
"Slash"
:ph34r:

[Arcane Wizard]

[KD5YTX]

The ninja wish not to be conformists *Arcane* *cough* *cough*. Actaully, that's just their excuse for being a few versoins behind of current "*cough*" protocol.


Kirk is good, he is better, he is best. Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! *snap*

[NETWizz]

Well, there was plenty of action on DS9, and they went on away missions and stuff, got captured by the dominion, had alliances, conspiracies and covert stuff (beyone dixon hill sttng people know what I mean)... Ferrangi were a regular occurance IE Quark... Infiltration... Changlings... Defiant

Voyager on the otherhad, lost, caretaker, 8472, 7 0f 9 , Kes, the crazy hologram, missions with unknown races like the Crenon time people, Okampa...Tom & Belona storiesl...

Next Gen had Data, always conflicts with Gul Duckat & the Cardasians, Admiral Shela from Romulas, vulkans, Weasly crusher went indian. .

The Origional, kind of neat, set the trend, had trasnporters and stuff, simple action... Was neat but only 3 seasons.

Then there is Enterprise, it doesn't meet my expectations. Sure there is action, but they never use the transporter, their phaze pistals arn't quite right, their uniforms sucks, can't go past warp 5, don't even have shields, and keep talking about the a Xindi. I wish they would finish the Xindi crap...

As for fire requireing oxegen, it does not always. There are many reactants that when combined and heated will create a chemical reaction involving heat. Hence, Oxidation reduction reaction. Take rocket engines such as the solid fuel type, they do not have oxegen, yet the propellant oxidizes. As for flames, there can be flames in space; however, they would be spheerical due to the lack of gravity and heat can't rise...

Not only that, there can be sound, but it won't traverse space. Meaning if you are in a ship that is hit, you could hear sound, but any other ships would not.

[sgm]

[NETWizz]

Yeah, that is true, but the reason the electrons are lost is to allow various elements to share electrons to form covelent bonds and become new substances.

For Example

Iron is Fe I think

FeO2 would be Iron Oxide or rust

[Babyboy]

AHHH startrek, the only show where an amazingly complex ship can traverse space, aim lasers with precision and disassemble and reasemble anything in seconds, all from 2 buttons and a joystick



i suggest downloading "Startrek Raphsody" by Weird Al Yankovitch, its halarious!

[Adm.Wiggin]

werent there supposed to be like 8 extras at the end or something? i may have to switch computers later, follow my favorite and find out if there were...

[Arcane Wizard]

[KD5YTX]

What always gets me is Chewbacca from Star Wars, and Hans' uncanny ability to decifer all sorts of arcane phrases.

-"Aaaaaauuuauauau!!!"
-"Chewy says we need to alter our main trajectory to 13 parsecs off the main heading in concordance to our low fuel supply and added stopping points, unless we can catch a solar wind off of some star to boost us."

-"Aaaugggguughguuaa!!!"
-"Chewy says that the main warp drive is malfunctioning, most likely due to sporadic bursts of electromagnetic energy in this sector, though if we compensate with small amounts of turning thrust we can avert a cataclysmic warp meltdown."

-"Aaaauaauauuugauauugauauuauguaauauguaua guugauau aauaugauga uauaggguauauauuguauga!!!"
-"Chewy doesn't like you."

-"Auuugguggughghag!!!"
-"He's going to rip your arms off if you don't stop that infernal racket."

-"Aaaghggagaauu!!!"
-"Chewy would be pleased if you would remove your filthy mitts from his bowcaster blaster so that he may use it to erradicate the scum that is our enemy."


Show reverence to the heavily versatile and amazingly compact language of the Wookie.

[Arcane Wizard]