Soap Hell

[KD5YTX]

This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London
hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved
submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put
on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from
the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found
you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my
own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on
the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
Please remove them.

S. Berman


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which
we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in
your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial
was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I
didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside
the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not
object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can
of further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will
accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our Maids
are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
Camay. I want my one a bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize have
54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give
me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so
I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the
3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know
anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy,
did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays
plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this
hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory
which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper


_________________________________________________________________

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:

* On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
* On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
* On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
* Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2.
* In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
* On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
* On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized
Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings.

S. Berman


The "ninja" way to handle the situation would be a ninja kick in the maid's face.

[Arcane Wizard]

He should have kept his mouth shut so he wouldn't have lost his Dial. Then he could sell all the soap he get's from the hotel.

[Adm.Wiggin]

HAHAHAHAHA!!! I WAS LAUGHING AND LAUGHING!

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HAAAHAHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHhh... Cahhat ytoe,