The Information Age

[Jeremiah Walgren]

Subject: Pizza Order

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order..."

Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas..."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "Dang. What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes to $49.99."

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."

Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How
long will it take?

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using it."

Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to diabetics."

[Jedd]

No, I dont think it will go that far. The government can be stupid, but I think they're smart enought that something like that would ruin humanity. But hey, who knows. We are slowly progressing in that direction.

[NETWizz]

Pizza places make money, so they will sell you coke if you are diabetic and they know it will kill you.

Besides, with the chip that will be implanted in your forhead, it won't be a problem, they will just bill you.

[Jedd]

Maybe I'm imagining this, but didn't someone actually have a sonar or some sort of sensor installed in the back of his arm so he could sense if someone was behind him? Ok that sounds weird, but I could swear I heard that somewhere.

[Arcane Wizard]

I don't think it'll go that far either, and I hope it won't.

However, if it does;


@

operator

=

fun

[Jeremiah Walgren]

Hahaha, awesome.

[sgm]

Why can't you just get Diet Coke for free?

[DarkerLine]

You can't get anything for free.

[Jedd]

Free? You can get lots of stuff for free. Like, umm, air? Yeah you get air free. And water! Oh wait, no. What about love? Nope, not that either. Well at least air is still free.

[DmitriB]

air is only free until someone finds a way to sell it and someone stupid enough to pay for it.

[Jeremiah Walgren]

I once read somewhere that people used to sell items such as portions of the Brooklyn Bridge and such to newly arrived immigrants. Of course the immigrants had no way of knowing right off they were being duped...

Sadly, there are people stupid enough to pay for air.