10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip
9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimal wage"
6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: Eat Your Check.
I'm ashamed how many of the computer ones apply to me. At one point I got so used to using my tablet PC that I tried to ctrl-z a blackboard and look in the bottom-right corner of a piece of paper for the time.
A woman shoots her husband. Then she hold him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
Jokes I found, you guys might appreciate it more since we are a programming community:(especially you guys who DON'T use Windows. ;D)
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
The more you know -
"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money
It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
There used to be a program called Resource Editor that definitely would let you track down wherever the error message strings are stored and customize them, probably in some language/localization file somewhere. Both were funny; thanks for sharing.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
There are much much stranger ways in which a dream can alert you to nerdiness.
I was once dreaming that I was on-board the Daedalus (Stargate) and after a little while we were attacked. I went to the bridge to see what was up and was informed that we were under attack from an Ewok fleet seeking revenge on humanity for the destruction of Endor by the Death Star. My next thought was "I must be dreaming. This can't be real because Endor wasn't destroyed, and Ewoks certainly don't have spaceships."
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