Two people were at a Communist nudist colony sitting outside on wicker chairs. They sat down and talked for a while when one stood up. One guy looked at the other and said, "I say son have you read marx."

at work yesterday, I had to stock the freezer we keep next to the fryers, 6 boxes of fries, plus a box of chicken tenders, net weight, 236lbs. When I walked into the kitchen, I said "Guess I am pulling my own weight around here".

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L. A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The scientist discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer while you run, you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

A bicycle can't stand alone. It's two tired.

A backward poet writes inverse.

Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas.

No I didn't think up all of these but they are punny.