I figured it would be good to start a topic where people can tell of funny quotes that they have been told by others.

One that i hear a lot from my mom when we get report cards is: "If you spent as much time on your school work and studying as you do programming than you would have straight A's."

Whenever i hear that one i can only smile.

Trust me, its possible to do both at the same time... Also, you can throw some video games in there to

"They misunderestimated me" - george dubya

"Clothes make the man, naked people have litle or no influence in society." -Mark Twain
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins
"Whenever you come to a fork in the road, take it." -Yogi Berra
"Wars are God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce
"Speak softly and drive a Panzer." -My friend's mom
"It was a brave man who first tried an oyster..." -A sign at a seafood restaraunt in NC
"If you can't say something nice about a person then at least say it behind his back." -Dogbert
"Don't squat with your spurs on." -Guy on the radio
"You have, of course, just begun reading the sentence that you have just finished reading." -Unknown
"Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -Unknown
I don't even know what street Canada is on -Al Capone
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -Paul Beatty
Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.-Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -Albert Einstein
"Join the Dark Side....we have cookies!" -Unknown
#DEFINE QUESTION "2b || !2b"
"If you can't fix it with duct tape, then it's broken."
Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at. -Carlos A. Urbizo

"I'll try to get more later" -the_m0053
"No really...I will." -the_m0053
"...I was just kidding..." -the_m0053

"Smell that. Thats the smell of victory!" (after farting) -ME!
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." - Charles De Gaulle, former French President
"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"Procrastinate now, don't put it off." - Unkown
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." -Unkown
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research." -Unkown
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." - W.C. Fields
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen

"I've got more!" -the_m0053
(From the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City radio stations!)

"The fact is business is run by moral people who won't do anything illegal or try to get rich quickly."- Alex Shrub
"Most people are idiots, and that's exactly who my teachings appeal to."- Pastor Richards
"And that's just the kind of person I am: opinionated and moronic."- Jan Brown
"See, there are some people that think everything has to make money. It
doesn't! That's why you should give now."- Michelle Montanius
"Remember, VCPR is an advertising free zone, much like the moon or Time Square."- Jonathan Freeloader
"I am not a racist. I hate everybody irrelevant of other issues. But I especially hate Yankees." --John Hickory
"Baseball is our national sport - our national passtime. Joining together as men in order to reward the act of running around in a circle." --Alex Shrub
"If you put a bunch of leftovers from the fridge in a pan and bake it, somebody will probably eat it." --Pastor Richards
"When I was in jail, I got the idea for my current business." --Jeremy Robard

"We are sorry our president is an idiot. We did not vote for him." - the French writing on the tag on a shirt, following washing instructions.