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KD5YTX
Advanced Member
Joined: 03 Aug 2003 Posts: 306
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Posted: 04 Sep 2003 07:51:11 am Post subject: |
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Windows 95 Source Code
Warning: do not compile; unpredictable results
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows 95
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_blank_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_blank_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_blank_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows_95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
The ninjas knew all along...
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Arcane Wizard `semi-hippie`
Super Elite (Last Title)
Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 8993
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Posted: 04 Sep 2003 08:43:15 am Post subject: |
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That won't work because you forgot to define a lot of stuff. |
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62 52 53 53 Formerly known as 62 52 53 53
Active Member
Joined: 30 May 2003 Posts: 607
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Posted: 04 Sep 2003 07:49:03 pm Post subject: |
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NO DUH! Why do you think windows doesen't work? |
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Toksyuryel Crimson Dragon Software
Elite
Joined: 14 Jun 2003 Posts: 880
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Posted: 04 Sep 2003 09:16:46 pm Post subject: |
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I seem to have typed "ROFLMFAO" too many times. This forum has some wierd rules. I only typed it 20 times... |
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NETWizz Byte by bit
Bandwidth Hog
Joined: 20 May 2003 Posts: 2369
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Posted: 04 Sep 2003 11:53:41 pm Post subject: |
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Twenty is too many; it looks bad.
How would you like to waste your time scrolling through useless post containing the same word many times?
ROFLMFAO
ROFLMFAO
It gets quite annoying does it not?
In the future, I will lock topics with spam and continue to warn the members, who spam. |
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Arcane Wizard `semi-hippie`
Super Elite (Last Title)
Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 8993
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 08:13:19 am Post subject: |
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62 52 53 53 wrote: NO DUH! Why do you think windows doesen't work?
Windows works.
I also ment that it won't compile, and they did manage to compile windows.
Conclusion: this is not the source for windows 95.
<HINT>For those who didn't get it: I was joking.<HINT>
Last edited by Guest on 05 Sep 2003 08:14:55 am; edited 1 time in total |
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62 52 53 53 Formerly known as 62 52 53 53
Active Member
Joined: 30 May 2003 Posts: 607
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 04:06:31 pm Post subject: |
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<hint> for those who didn't get it, so was I<hint> |
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Flash Umpa Loompa
Member
Joined: 31 Aug 2003 Posts: 110
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 05:17:35 pm Post subject: |
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i never knew windows was evil. i always thought they were nice and everything worked perfectly. windows would never rip off the customer for lots and lots of money to fix a problem that was intentually programmed into its software, never.
dont they own all rigths to the "care bears"??? |
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KD5YTX
Advanced Member
Joined: 03 Aug 2003 Posts: 306
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Flash Umpa Loompa
Member
Joined: 31 Aug 2003 Posts: 110
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 05:28:17 pm Post subject: |
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windows ME, you can pick it up at a store near you for a very low price compared to useful os's. it will never have any problems as long as you dont use it.
as for the weed, i just use a mixture of grasses, i find golf corse grass ("the green") to work best. (<<-JOKE for you moderators out there, you know who you are) |
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KD5YTX
Advanced Member
Joined: 03 Aug 2003 Posts: 306
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 05:37:11 pm Post subject: |
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If I wanted an operating system I wasn't going to use, I would use Mac OS (though they are improving drastically). An Apple commercial stands out to me as this:
Buy a Mac. You don't need friends. Your Mac will have friends for you. You don't need to do your work on a computer - your Mac will do it for you. Just plug it in and stick it in a readily visible location, so that you may look at it's pretty case often. Other people have been payed to say how much they like their Macs, and they don't have lives - now you to can let your Mac carry your life on for you. Mac: Don't think.
Ninjas abstain from the use of Macintoshes, except during mass political overthrows.
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Flash Umpa Loompa
Member
Joined: 31 Aug 2003 Posts: 110
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 05:47:36 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: Buy a Mac. You don't need friends. Your Mac will have friends for you. You don't need to do your work on a computer - your Mac will do it for you. Just plug it in and stick it in a readily visible location, so that you may look at it's pretty case often. Other people have been payed to say how much they like their Macs, and they don't have lives - now you to can let your Mac carry your life on for you. Mac: Don't think.
:x hey! i grew up on a mac. i live for the mac, by the mac!!!!!!
(changes to realistic personality)
lmao... i see no lie |
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62 52 53 53 Formerly known as 62 52 53 53
Active Member
Joined: 30 May 2003 Posts: 607
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 08:11:55 pm Post subject: |
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Hey! MACS are good. Just because MICROSOFT tried to sue Apple because MICROSOFT stole the MAC idea of a GUI, and they lost business and therefore software, doesen't mean that MACS are bad. Now MICROSOFT, there's something bad. Dumb monopolizers!
Due to monotary issues, the "more ninjas" use linux to combat the "WIN samauri." The "more ninjas" would appreciate the funding to use macs. Optimally, sufficient funding will be ammassed to create or find a macintosh emulator for linux.
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KD5YTX
Advanced Member
Joined: 03 Aug 2003 Posts: 306
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Posted: 05 Sep 2003 08:24:56 pm Post subject: |
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Who said I was pro Microsoft? Or pro GUI at that?!?! And the Mac was what I started on (come on, I was 8 - gimme a break, I didn't know better!).
The ninjas are wishing they had copyrighted/copywritten?? themselves.
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NETWizz Byte by bit
Bandwidth Hog
Joined: 20 May 2003 Posts: 2369
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Posted: 06 Sep 2003 01:13:25 am Post subject: |
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Flash wrote: windows ME, you can pick it up at a store near you for a very low price compared to useful os's. it will never have any problems as long as you dont use it.
as for the weed, i just use a mixture of grasses, i find golf corse grass ("the green") to work best. (<<-JOKE for you moderators out there, you know who you are)
I do not think the moderators care. |
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AlienCC Creative Receptacle!
Know-It-All
Joined: 24 May 2003 Posts: 1927
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Posted: 06 Sep 2003 01:26:16 am Post subject: |
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Quote: Hey! MACS are good. Just because MICROSOFT tried to sue Apple because MICROSOFT stole the MAC idea of a GUI, and they lost business and therefore software, doesen't mean that MACS are bad. Now MICROSOFT, there's something bad. Dumb monopolizers!
This is incorrect information. Microsoft did not steal the GUI from Apple. Apple Stole the GUI from XEROX. Microsoft/IBM then in turn Borrowed it from Apple. Besides any idea as obvious as a GUI should never be patented in the first place.
Macs are not bad (OS X and newer) because they run on a BSD kernel, and you can compile most any linux or bsd software to run on it in addition to your native Mac apps. Which leaves you with more software then windows has.
--AlienCC |
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Arcane Wizard `semi-hippie`
Super Elite (Last Title)
Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 8993
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Posted: 06 Sep 2003 02:24:48 am Post subject: |
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Flash wrote: as for the weed, i just use a mixture of grasses, i find golf corse grass ("the green") to work best. (<<-JOKE for you moderators out there, you know who you are)
I know who I am, but I don't understand why the joke is only for the mods, is he trying to bribe us? |
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DmitriB
Advanced Member
Joined: 22 Jun 2003 Posts: 319
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Posted: 06 Sep 2003 03:03:43 am Post subject: |
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i try and bribe anyone that i can even if it has no advantage for me do so. its just fun to bribe people and even more fun to get away with it.
the ninjas always bribe people to do thier bidding. stealing others peoples ideas is really fun...YAH!!! lets all steal the ninjas!!
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Flash Umpa Loompa
Member
Joined: 31 Aug 2003 Posts: 110
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Posted: 06 Sep 2003 11:38:47 am Post subject: |
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bribing is fun |
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Toksyuryel Crimson Dragon Software
Elite
Joined: 14 Jun 2003 Posts: 880
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Posted: 08 Sep 2003 08:09:41 pm Post subject: |
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I think linux is the best. It's free(unlike windows), it works(unlike windows), and it's JBirk's avitar(unlike windows).
The less ninjas are using linux to contact the ninjas and the more ninjas to coordinate an assult against DmitriB. Make your own ninjas.
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