clevor wrote:
I also have AD(H)D, ASD, and depression. I won the mental illness lottery. :p


Maybe I just want to feel a bit special, but I totally feel like I have some mental issues too. Depression and anxiety obviously but probably moreÖ nothing diagnosed though. Idk I just feel like Iím less likeable than the average person.
It depends. Some people consider autism spectrum disorder as a difference rather than mental illness. I don't remember about AD(H)D, though, although I heard it was part of ASD now. Personally I have the following:
-Autism spectrum disorder (more the Asperger's, PDD-NOS type)
-Schizoaffective disorder (thankfully, hallucinations are almost completely nonexistent. The only thing out of the ordinary I noticed is sometimes when listening to music on a noisy day it's like if I heard some voices in the background every now and then, very faintly, when in fact it's just random noise from outside. I did (barely) see fractals (like black and white, 0.1% opacity) at least twice in the last three years, though, and the non-hallucinary part of my condition combined with autism made it significantly more difficult to interpret people's intention in the past (and still is if I'm not familiar with the person). This disorder started around late 18's early 19's.
-PTSD: I won't get into details on that one unless it's on the Discord server or IRC, since this thread can be found on Google.
-Gilles de La Tourette Syndrome: This causes me to have some tics (although not as much with my medication)

I also had depression one year ago, because we went into lockdown in the middle of Christmas without being able to see our family, but this year it has been better. Sometimes I feel lonely but since I am used to being alone it isn't too difficult. Besides, with ASD we sometimes need social breaks (I notice I need even more with my medication tho). But this is also what resulted into 6 Illusiat games in 6 months and more recently another full RPG in less than two weeks.
DJ Omnimaga wrote:
I did (barely) see fractals (like black and white, 0.1% opacity)


I like fractals. Maybe you can create the "Omninaga Fractal" of some sorts.
Omg I actually hear voices when i listen to music. should i be scared?
It usually is nondestinct chatter in the backround, but when i take off my earbuds to hear whatever was said, i realise i am in a room alone, or nobody said anything, etc.
I know this isn't a mental health forum, but should i mention this to my doctor/therapist or be worried at all?
I thought this was normal, like seeing things when you close your eyes long enough (without sleeping).
Wavejumper3 wrote:
Paradise lost? More like.....
...fiction, a it.
This is for personal stuff, not literature class.
Seriously.


Paradise Lost is certainly fictionalized, but it is not strictly fiction. Almost all of what happened is either in Isaiah or Ezekiel (check; it's there).

DJ Omnimaga wrote:
I could not figure out if the post was actually on-topic or not. >.<


um it is look at the title of the thread...

Wave: I get this occasionally too. Mostly in what's termed a "hypnogogic manner" (=when you're drifting off to sleep). I'm no doctor, but I wouldn't worry about it.

Omnimaga: I like fractals, too! And yes, sometimes I see fractals when I close my eyes. Usually only when I'm either very tired or in a dark room, though. The depths of the human brain are unfathomable... at least by humans.

On a... different note, I have a pretty crazy life, too. I am enrolled in an online math class (AoPS), but I get little to no internet access during the day. Or night. Or really at all. Whenever I try to bring it up with my mom, she either ignores my requests or sends me off to do something else (such as empty the dishwasher). The only time I can access Cemetech and Discord (the two platforms I use for communication) are whenever I can get to a library, which isn't very often these days. I'm super behind in math, struggling in Latin, and hate Biology. It seems the harder I work, the more time goes by, and by the time I'm done with two-thirds of my schoolwork for the week, Wednesday has rolled around again (I'm homeschooled, but we still use a set weekly curriculum that starts on Thursdays) and I'm behind in (fill literally almost anything in here) by another week. Again. I struggle with anger and just people in general. Get more than one child under the age of about 13 or so and you can be fairly sure that if I( had my way, I would be somewhere else. Even better: my little brother is (you guessed it) 12, and annoying as... I'm not going to finish that sentence. The point is, it seems he goes out of his way to torment me (what happened to respecting elder brothers?!) and make sure that my dayu is as completely unproductive as possible. I don't have a phone, so any communication has to either be face-to-face or very unreliable timing-wise (I usually can only check my email about twice a week -- if I remember). My mom doesn't "appreciate" any format for papers (yay markdown) that isn't proprietary (gdocs icky) or extremely frustrating to use (msword slow). The whole point, I keep telling mom, is that Markdown is human-readable, rendered or not, and doesn't look like marked-up garbage.

She isn't buying it.

Long story short, I don't struggle with myself -- I struggle with others. And it's killing me from the inside out.
Secretly, I am doing absolutely awful.

My life is headed nowhere, and fast.

But usually I just pretend that everything is going okay all the time. I mean, I don't want to bother anyone. There's no use expressing how I truly feel when I'm just depressed most of the time, cause nobody wants to be around someone like that. I'll just pretend I'm normal and happy.


But I do want to say, I am incredibly grateful for Cemetech. My life would be much more empty without it.
(Previous post was about PTSD increase concerns. New post follows.)

By the way, since it's several years too late to do anything about it (since I was unaware that I could at the time), while I can't really say where and who was involved, I guess I can reveal at least what happened here now: What caused the PTSD is bullying, extorsion, privacy invasion and especially sexual harassment that happened from 2006 to 2017 (with peaks in 2009, 2015, 2017 and every Valentine's Day week during that period of time), all in real life, and the scary situation of silence I was in as a result of hate speech encouraging violence against people against my minority group during the first half of those years.

What has been triggering my symptoms the most in the last year or so are the past sexual harassment and I am not sure why but I think it's because it's the thing that happened the most often and was the most scary. Seeing anything looking remotely close to bullying can set them off too, although with self-exposure it becomes less likely to happen if what my brain sees as "bullying" happens often over a long period of time and comes out from the same person all the time. The results can end up being magnified by my already volatile self. Because one of my meds reduces my anxiety significantly, I sometimes get the physical symptoms of PTSD only, which are especially unpleasant if I am trying to be productive or if they happen in public (I will usually feel very lost and be barely able to stand up)

Anyway this culminated into me being permanently disabled and moving to a different city in the middle of the night in late 2017, leaving $10K worth of video game collections and calculators behind and by the time I could visit my previous neighborhood without PTSD without symptoms in order to retrieve the 26 missing calculators and 600+ video games and consoles I used to have they were all donated to charity as I had cut all contact with people from there after moving and they had no way to contact me.

On the other hand, if I want to finish a calculator RPG in less than 2 weeks or three music albums per year then I now can, although by not working I often feel bored and less contributing since I can't afford to do much and motivation can be hard to come by sometimes . But my social life remains limited nowadays as a result of the potential PTSD fallout, especially with how the pandemic seems to have divided society.
  
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