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As some of my closer friends in the Cemetech community know, I have recently encountered a major negative life event at the culmination of a few months of uncertainty and worry. This event represents a major temporary or permanent loss for me and a great deal of grief (I'm being intentionally vague for now). I'm being both optimistic and realistic about how the situation will eventually work out in the end, including what's going to make me happy, but in the meantime I've been severely struggling with maintaining my work, life, and schedule. To that end, other Cemetech staff members will be overseeing some of the day-to-day operations around here, although I will continue to work on various tasks and projects as I am able. So please be patient if things don't get done quite as quickly as normal, and reach out to the staff (Alex/comic, PT_, tifreak8x, and others) if you don't find me to be responsive.
I am sorry to hear that.

Take all the time that you need, as your immediate personal issues should always take precedence before Cemetech.
Whatever moral support we can give, just by knowing we're thinking of you... You certainly don't need to be apologetic, just because the service you offer freely might not be so readily available any more: what right do we have to expect otherwise?
My life sucks because the relative for whom i was named after, who was the original impetus behind my interest in engineering (he went to MIT, and was major certified in engineering), and design died, and now i have to attend the funeral over 400 mi away, which means i cant work on my $700 lego project, which i need to finish by Jul 22, for Brickfair VA, and is not even 15% done.

In addition, i have to deal with a parent who is mentally ill with non diagnosed paranoia, schizophrenia, and bipolar , and another parent with depression, and deep, deep anger issues, that i inherited. Furthermore, i have a narcissistic and emotionally abusive older sibling. I have super deep anger about some problems regarding some very bad, deep mistakes, which i will carry the repercussions for the rest of my life, and that my brain constantly reminds me of and doesn't shut up.

There is some super deep, dark, stuff i will not post because i do not want anyone else to know the depths. So i keep it all buried and get buzzed on power metal and draw random calligraphy thingies.

Oh and lastly, two things: i read this whole topic, so i wear 29/32 pants. secondly, my muscles are screaming at me (despite having taken two advil) for my poor decision to swim a 20x repeated twice set of 100m (LCM) butterfly this morning, with an additional 5000m of free. ( im in good shape, i just am trying to qualify for nationals in fly this year for Masters)
Lord_Charlemagne wrote:
My life sucks because the relative for whom i was named after, who was the original impetus behind my interest in engineering (he went to MIT, and was major certified in engineering), and design died, and now i have to attend the funeral over 400 mi away, which means i cant work on my $700 lego project, which i need to finish by Jul 22, for Brickfair VA, and is not even 15% done.


I believe you can do it! Do you have to do it by yourself or can you recruit help from friends? Maybe it's me but if a friend were to hit me up and say that he's ordering pizza and inviting a few friends over to help build a LEGO model I'd be happy to help.

Quote:
Oh and lastly, two things: i read this whole topic, so i wear 29/32 pants. secondly, my muscles are screaming at me (despite having taken two advil) for my poor decision to swim a 20x repeated twice set of 100m (LCM) butterfly this morning, with an additional 5000m of free. ( im in good shape, i just am trying to qualify for nationals in fly this year for Masters)


29/32 represent! I used to wear 28/34s but a knowledgeable employee told me that 29/32 would be better, as it'll ride lower on my hips and stuff. But finding either pants in that size is a pain in the rear. I hope you're able to qualify, you'll have to keep us updated on that!
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I believe you can do it! Do you have to do it by yourself or can you recruit help from friends? Maybe it's me but if a friend were to hit me up and say that he's ordering pizza and inviting a few friends over to help build a LEGO model I'd be happy to help.


This lego build is all by myself. it uses two Arduino's, a raspberry Pi, two 2.4ghz modules, pololu motor chips, a 4S li-Po, a nunchuck, and 4 PF L motors. Also, i have no friends, except for you guys, so that makes it tougher, but i actively lurk and devour the technic section of Eurobricks.
Well, I fell out of bed and landed on my calculator.
My calculator is fine, but I now have a black eye.

Therefore, I can say that my calculator gave me a black eye....

The last time I got a black eye, I kicked myself in the face while playing soccer.
Imagine that....
Well, after CC20 concludes, I will be reducing my posting here to maybe one post every once and a while (and cutting of CW posts completely) due to a bad bout of depression.

This has been outlined in a little more detail in a CW safe haven thread (because it gives a little bit of privacy, but still makes it easily accessible to the CW members that I want to see it, and prevents the people in my life that are inflicting some of this to see it, at least for a while.) but I'll post the gist of it here.

Due to summer causing separation from IRL friends, (who are going on various vacation spots across the country, and to some degree I am doing this to) and the approach of school, where it is easy for the people who dislike me (or like me because I am easy to pick on) to inflict mental damage (and very rarely physical damage, due to my schools "extremely generous and effective anti-bullying policies" that don't work at all unless they actually hurt you).

I also have had some family issues, which isn't helping, and some physical issues that prevent me from appearing in sports and being "popular" (which disgusts me, I don't understand how people can live like that)

Cemetech and CW have been my online home(s) for almost a year now, and I cannot express in words how much they have helped me get through issues like this in the recent past. I can say, without a doubt, my life would have been much, much worse without them.

For example, about a month ago (late June/early July) my post count had a noticeable uptick in posts, which most people would attribute (with some degree of accuracy) to CC20. But that assumption is not quite right. The real reason my posts visibly increased (from 2 or 3 posts/day to about 7 or 8) is because I was depressed and turned to Cemetech for help (without even thinking about it or explicitly mentioning it), as I had found some degree of solace in programming from around second grade (and still do), and CC20 was a perfect opportunity/excuse for me to just sit down and do just that.

I just want to say think you to everyone who keeps this site running and (Edit: it seems I can't complete a thought.... I ended with an "and") awesome. (For lack of a better word)

Please don't vote for me in CC20 because I posted this. Pity votes would make me feel worse. But by all means, vote for me if you honestly think my project is the best, but I doubt you will. :P
Jeez, why is it that so many people are depressed? Sad

I've never been great at being a comforter, but I can still try dang it!
I feel really sorry for you _iPhoenix_, you've been a great, helpful, and intelligent member, Cemetech is lucky to have you here. Although there's not much physical help Cemetech members can provide (unless they live nearby), we will always be here to support you! Programming is a great pastime and I encourage you to continue learning it. Bullies are just stupid, you have sooo much more skill and potential than they do. Do they know how to program? I'd doubt it, also bullying wont get them far in life. While you're sitting in California, sipping a lemonade, making the next Linux or something; they'll be in prison because they tried to pirate some game or music. If it gets too awful (which it sounds like it already has) you can record what they say and turn to the police (if necessary) for help. Or you could just brick their calculators Wink.

So don't let life get you down, "life's hard, but it's harder when your [depressed]". I look forward to seeing your future projects and get well soon! Very Happy
TheLastMillennial wrote:
I've never been great at being a comforter

AH HA! you are a blanket!

Anyways, it's proven that spending too much time on electronic devices can lead to depression, and I've been doing programming since I was 6 Sad

Actually, all of them know how to program, the teachers in my school teach basically a lego robotics summer camp (which is ok the first time, but they are pretty much all the same in my area) and call it robotics, which they teach as part of the computer 'apps' class (named so because the teachers all are forced to love google apps x.x), which we were all forced to take in middle school.... (all I got from it is that google apps sucks, besides google sheets, which is fun to play around with in the middle of lectures...)
I hate to call lego robotics "programming" but I was addicted to that for about 3 years and it's kinda like ti-basic but drag and drop, and it's good for beginners...

I am actually seeing a (psychologist? psychiatrist? I don't care, his title starts with psych- and ends with -ist, so seems legit...) soon, so I hope this will help.

Also, some of them had gone to jail (well, juvie) *before highschool* for drugs 'n' stuff.
I've been struggling with the revelation that one of my closest friends is gay these past few weeks. I've been in love with her for over a year now; and we had been talking nearly everyday and sending things to one another and it was the best of times. We agreed last fall to keep it as a friendship as we are quite young and there is much life ahead; however I did daydream of the future at times. There are other things that happened as well that I would rather not go into; but I feel like I have learned a lot. It's just rather depressing I guess to have that all disappear. I still want to be friends with her; but I haven't been able to talk to her at all as it still stings quite a bit to be led on for this long. I'm planning on just moving on with my life and letting her move on with hers; we shared quite the adventure and made a lot of happy memories. But I don't want to drag myself down by letting dreams hang over me and I'm not sure how to tell her that without basically ending talking for a few months or years. I wish things were less complicated. But meh; life goes on.
Only you know what your situation is like, Mateo, but I think sometimes we have a distorted view of reality when we are let down. You said you were led on, but also that you both agreed to keep it as a friendship 9 months previous. It sounds like you really enjoyed your time with her
MateoConLechuga wrote:
we shared quite the adventure and made a lot of happy memories
and I don't think that you have to stop talking to her. It depends on whether or not you let yourself "be dragged down by letting dreams hang over me". Moving on without moving away from your friendship with her seems like an ideal solution to me; but like I said, you have the whole story here, not me. Part of life is disappointment, you said yourself that you learned a lot, and an important thing to learn is how to deal with disappointment without stopping yourself from having experiences you will regret missing out on later.
my brand new raspberry pi 3 cooked it's self. R.I.P
I was 11 minutes late to turn in my CC20 entry. Sad
TheLastMillennial wrote:
I was 11 minutes late to turn in my CC20 entry. Sad

Sadness....
MateoConLechuga wrote:
I've been struggling with the revelation that one of my closest friends is gay these past few weeks.


Quote:
We agreed last fall to keep it as a friendship as we are quite young and there is much life ahead;


Sounds like this is a fairly recent turn of events, for both her and you.

Quote:
I've been in love with her for over a year now; and we had been talking nearly everyday and sending things to one another and it was the best of times.


So, you guys agreed last Fall to remain friends but you still have feelings for her? That's normal. I still have feelings for a friend that I asked out last Summer but she wanted to remain friends. We don't chat nearly every day and we still make time for each other, whether it's catching up over dinner or going shopping and running errands together.

If she were to dump her current boyfriend and bring up moving our friendship forward, and if I'm still single, I'd accept that relationship. But it's no longer my interest to move forward. If she is single again I won't bring it up. I love her dearly and I will always try to make her day better as I do for many other friends.

I still have feelings for the women I asked out in High School and later in life. We're still friends to this day and if any of them were to start that conversation I'd consider it.

Quote:
It's just rather depressing I guess to have that all disappear. I still want to be friends with her; but I haven't been able to talk to her at all as it still stings quite a bit to be led on for this long.


It didn't disappear. I agree with Dankcalculatorbro that we only have your story. Please correct me if I'm wrong but: the fact that you say "It's... depressing ... to have that all disappear" gives me the impression that you're distancing yourself from her. You've given up on the friendship because she's a lesbian? That's a really awful reason.

Quote:
I'm planning on just moving on with my life and letting her move on with hers; we shared quite the adventure and made a lot of happy memories.


It's a shame you're tossing a friendship away over something minor but I can't tell you how to live your life. I can offer my advice, as I'm doing.

Quote:
But I don't want to drag myself down by letting dreams hang over me and I'm not sure how to tell her that without basically ending talking for a few months or years.


Honestly, it sounds like you're trashing the friendship anyways but I'm really glad to read that you'd be willing to open a conversation after a while. It sounds like you need to truly discover who you are and if you'll be okay with accepting other peoples orientations, to show acceptance outside of your faith, as this revelation is challenging those beliefs.

So if you haven't told her already. Just mention that you need some time to take it all in and do some self-discovery. Maybe you'll come out of it in a few months with the same view on gays as you do now or maybe you'll have a better understanding. As a recommendation, don't go to your parents or your church leaders/elders as they'll likely reinforce the churches view.

Go outside of that circle, visit gay communities online and read their stories. Ask questions and try to see their side. If after that you still hold the same view then, great. It shows that you challenged your belief and came out of it with a stronger grasp on your faith than before. If you come out of it with an acceptance towards gays then that's equally great! It shows that while you still believe in your faith you can also accept people for who they are.

I'll will say this, if I cut out everyone in my life who disagreed with me or who I disagreed with. I'd be a pretty small and close-minded individual. I would not accept the opinions of others and I would continue to reinforce my opinions with like-minded people. I'd just sit in an echo chamber, where every person has the same idea and opinion, they share articles and videos that reinforce their opinions. Anyone who speaks against that shared opinion is forced out of the community. It's an incredibly poisonous atmosphere. Sadly these echo chambers exist in every community: Religion (Christianity, Atheism, Islam, Satanism, etc), Politics (Liberal, Conservative, Libertarian, etc), Fanboyism (Apple, Android, Playstation, Xbox, etc), and tons of other facets. So get out there and challenge yourself. Smile
Sorry to hear Mateo, the only thing that can heal such things is time unfortunately. It does seem to drag on, and although it is little consolation now - things do get better.

I'm not sure Mateo has an issue with the gay community Alex, rather this revelation has rendered any romantic future with this person impossible.
tr1p1ea wrote:
I'm not sure Mateo has an issue with the gay community Alex, rather this revelation has rendered any romantic future with this person impossible.


I took a few cues to make my hypothesis. It's entirely possible I'm wrong, yes and I'll accept if I am, but generally people don't throw years of friendship away because there's no romantic future. But he even said it, they're young with tons of time ahead of them so they opted to remain friends for the time being. I don't doubt that it stung for him when she came out as a lesbian. It would sting for me as well if one of my crushes figured out they were a lesbian too but I wouldn't end a friendship over that.

I've seen friendships torn apart because of this very thing. One of my very republican female friends had a male best friend. I could tell from the pictures she posted and a few mannerisms from his comments that he was gay. Not flamboyantly gay though but at least low-key gay. He must have been in denial or she was ignoring the signs. But oh man, when she found out, lots of nasty statuses were posted towards him. I don't know how she found out but she was not quiet about the whole ordeal.

I used to see status where she would say how much she cherished the friendship. She'd post pictures with her and him. He'd comment on just about everything she posted. And now, nothing. It's been a few years since all this went down but I remember it fondly because I didn't even know that side of her. It was a huge shock to me. I worked with her, we had openly gay coworkers. Maybe she put up with it at work but man... I didn't even know. And yes, I'm still friends with her but not as close as I used to be.
Thank you tr1p1ea; you are the only one who actually understands. As for Alex; honestly man I have no idea what gives you the right to place words into my mouth; make assumptions on me based on your own personal experiences; or give advice for something that you can't even figure out yourself. I didn't ask for your opinion; nor did it help in any way or make me think differently. There is a whole other side to this story that has nothing to do with being gay; hence why I said "There are other things that happened as well that I would rather not go into". Don't you dare call me an awful person for not accepting her; I have stood by her side this entire time and fully support her in what she has discovered for herself; I am proud of her courage and wherewithal to tell me; and I've given her all I could to help support her realization. What I have not been able to tell her is how I am affected; as even I'm not sure of that yet. I have absolutely no issue with anyone's orientations; beliefs, or otherwise. I love all people; and think that we truly need to be there for one another; no matter what. The part that makes me sad is that she was in love with me as well; we were deeply in love with each other. But it will never work out in the way I imagined; and it has taught me a lot about myself. We may have been "friends" on the outside; as we had done just so we could live out lives as we were in different stages; but we shared more things together than any romantic relationship or otherwise. It basically was as real a relationship you can imagine. I do not want to end the friendship by any means; I need time. I need time to think about what I truly want out of life; and I cannot do that by continuing to talk to someone who I cared for for so long and so much immediately. I have to take care of myself; otherwise I will become so very depressed since I will constantly have that reminder. To put it another way; it's like dating someone to find out a year later they are gay. It is not easy. It truly is not. So do not give me advice. I do not need advice; and I do not need someone to tell me what I am thinking. Take a long look at yourself before you pass judgment on others. Thank you. Life sucks, but there is always tomorrow.

Do you want to know my faith too? My belief is that all people are people. We were put on this earth to share in what the joy of life is; to find happiness in what we do. There is no God or gods or any other entity that I believe who would wish us to dislike each other. There is only one person who I know I can put my trust in; and that is myself. Only I know what I want out of life; only I can achieve my goals. I do not give thanks to any god for the hard work that I have done myself. Nor am I okay with the Christian belief of someone else taking responsibility for my actions. I should be responsible for what I have done in life, anything good or bad. Personally I think the hardest question I asked myself when I was struggling with this was that if I could go back in time and save Jesus, would I do it? Or would I kill him so that I could be saved? This has really gone off on a tangent; but whatever. I really need to go program.
MateoConLechuga wrote:
As for Alex; honestly man I have no idea what gives you the right to place words into my mouth; make assumptions on me based on your own personal experiences; or give advice for something that you can't even figure out yourself.


I do apologize. I should have stopped writing when I started strongly assuming, which was after my third reply. Even though it was not my place to do so, I felt compelled to write about the discrimination I assumed was taking place.
  
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