[quote="KermMartian"]I'm a terrible friend, because I've been meaning to address this post for over six months. Hopefully I'm not too late to inject a little positivity, and I can only hope things have started looking up a bit since you posted this.[/quote

They certainly have! Both rather frequent developments.
I totally didn't even see shimbs response. Oops.



Going sub-meta here: A while ago Merth shared a status about inviting him to a group chat. I commented that I wasn't in a group chat but would make one up and invite him. Never happened. Didn't expect it to and this is just a tangent. I became part of a group chat since then! It's pretty great because rather than text everyone individually we just post to the chat. I find myself going out more because of it.



I agree. I wasn't sure what to quote out of that but this seemed tangentially related. I've tried the dating apps and websites over the years, probably 3-4? I didn't message every women available, there were some I passed up because they held Religion higher than I do myself, they were more of a partier than an outgoing individual, just things that I knew right off the bat that wouldn't work out in the long run. I never once got a response back from my messages; I'd especially message the ones who showed up as visitors on my profile. These apps and sites would also tell you if someone "liked" you but hid that info behind a paywall. At first I was against it, if they "liked" me then they can make the first move. Eventually, I caved. Got two messages back after I did and continually held a conversation with one of them for many months. She was out of town looking to move nearby.

Now, before it's assumed, this was not a catfish. Never once did she ask for help coming up and visited my city multiple times during our conversation.

But I just never got anywhere. I'd ask what her opinion was on the current presidential candidates, gun control, basically current events and the reply back was that she wasn't interested in talking about it. Plus the fact that she never expressed any interest in meeting up while she was around. She'd start conversations if we haven't talked for a while. I don't know what her end-game was but I slowly stopped that conversation.

I downloaded another app, Tinder-like. Where the women you match with have to make the first move. Still, very limited success with that but I'm going to lunch tomorrow with someone I matched with last week, we were going to try and do lunch today but it didn't work out.. Again, I got tired of swiping "yes" and "no" and paid for a subscription. It was easier to see who swiped yes on me and go from there. I still swiped blindly but having that "Here's who likes you!" list was really helpful.



100% agree. Having someone there to challenge you is amazing. Not just intellectually but politically and physically as well.



Yup. I only asked because she would invite herself over and other (wrongly perceived) signs. It was nothing super obvious but I just assumed too much and read the situation wrong as a result.

We're still great friends and do things together all the time. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure it's because she is my only extremely close female friend who had recently become single.

Thanks guys.

Alex, you're great:
-To be in front of a computer is the coolest thing in the world.
-To practise photography and programming is very cool.

Your life is exactly what my life is going to be in the next years.
I only have one friend, that I meet him in the highschool, and now, we are studying Chemistry at different cities.
In my current city, Madrid, I don't have any friend.
I also go bed currently at 9:00-10:00, while my classmates are in a party.

This life is good if you learn to be happy with it.

And trying to have girlfriend: I've assumed that is impossible to me to be with a girl.
It will be nice to have girlfriend, but I know it is impossible, because my weight is 106Kg and I'm not popular.

Cheer up! You're great

Hey, don't put yourself down frankmar98! I am a senior in highschool, and i just got my first girlfriend on saturday! Previously both of us thought that we would never be in a relationship with anyone, but we found each other! We have many of the same interests, and our personalities fit together perfectly, and we are both passionate about music (i play the cello, and she plays the piano)! Dont resign yourself to being alone forever, you dont have to be popular to find the right person, you just have to keep looking!!

Maybe, you're right. But I have to wait until the girlfriend appears, and she have to initialize the conversation with me, and not the other way.
Maybe that would take a lot of time.

Thanks for your answer.

You're very much welcome! Anytime! I enjoy helping people not think badly about themselves, and I have a lot of practice (with myself)! ;D

Update, we pushed brunch out until today. Went well, gunna go hunt for pumpkins tomorrow!



To interject, there's more to life than being in front of a computer. We work all day on a computer only to come home and sit in front of another? No, not me. I don't work in front of a computer, at least yet, but my personal time on the computer always comes second. If I'm playing a game and a friend texts me with plans, I'll close up and meet them. I can always load up the last save or whatever.



I agree. It's a bit more relaxing but the majority of the young population is all about the now. "Let's go out NOW." "Let's have fun NOW." And so on. They capitalize on that and they have amazing experiences. They travel. They do regrettable things. Plus, everything in between. I hear these stories and I get a bit depressed. But then, I realize something.

They may have those memories but I've got a leg up. I put my money in savings instead of paying for a plane and hotel for spring break, plus any added booze and entrance fees for events. Over four years of college? That adds up. I can apply that towards student debt or towards something else, like a car or a home. Now, I'm going to give some counter advice to what I just said.

You can't put a price on memories. You can always save and make more money, but you can't always create experiences. Get out there. Introduce yourself. Look at what clubs your school offers. If there's an outdoor club, ask about if they have any light events. As someone of your build may not be able to keep up on high endurance outings. I don't mean that as an insult but as advice. It'll enable you to meet people. Heck, if the club advertises that similar people to your situation may join, you could head up that part of the club. It could look good on a resume down the line; "I established a 'Low Endurance' division of the 'Outdoor Activity Club' and over the course of two years ten members lost an average of 20kg and moved on to regular club activities."



I don't think you mean "cheating," do you? I'm having a hard time fitting a proper word in there but did you mean to use the word "regarding?" Weight has very little to do with things. There are olympic champions that weigh more, if not the same, as you. They throw shock-put and other events. Your school, assuming you go to a college at the moment, likely has a gym. It may be part of a class, even. Go. Gyms are incredibly positive environments, ya there are horror stories and you may feel out of place. But, everyone there is after the same thing. That's a common interest. if you need help with how to do a particular lift or workout, ask a fellow student/gym-goer. Like I said, they are there for the same reason you are.

Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, the way you carry and hold yourself is something that projects more than you think. If all you're telling yourself is "I can't do better" then that's what other people see. it could be as subtle as rejecting invites to a birthday dinner or to watch the schools track team. If you say "no" to enough, you'll stop getting invited. Those friends you had will move on because they see someone who isn't interested. And, truth is, maybe you really aren't in watching the track team run but it isn't about that. It's about creating memories and spending time with friends.

Again, referencing what I wrote above. Memories can't be recreated. Make as many as you can today. Not all memories require money. Friends going downtown to hit up bars? Go with! You don't need to drink but you can shoot the poop with them, walk around downtown with them. If a bartender asks what you're having to drink just be honest "I'm not here to drink, I'm here to look after my friends and stay sober." From my experience that yields a free soda or fountain drink about 3 out of 5 times.



I'm still really confused by the word cheat. I understand your first language isn't English but could you provide some context or clarification so I can understand what you mean?

To interject: I think the missing word is chat, a la the British English-ish phrase "chat [me|him|her] up", with shades of meaning from "talk to" to "hit on"/"flirt with"? The initial "And cheating girls:" seems like it should have been something like "And chatting [of] girls", ie, "And speaking of girls:"

When you spend around 10 hours debugging code that SHOULD work, but a bug in the programming language causes it to crash... ARGGH!

This happens a lot, to be honest.

The moment you realise how time slips away, never to be returned.
The moment when you realise childhood is over or you only have very little of it left.
When you suddenly get aware that things and people go forever.
And the question, what will happen next? I somehow got conscious of time and it's pace. It happened all at once, half a year ago I didn't have that.

I guess that's how it is becoming adult, and everyone does experience that at some point of their life.
I wanted to share my feelings nevertheless.

Post existentialism, is not that great either!

Separated from my goals at times where they seemed nearest and on the brink of realization. Happened a few times, it's as if I was surrounded by confusion, retaliatory envy towards my "dude studying at home" crutch.

Most of my useful equipment is with a parent who does not care. Like, sure an 20 year old logic analyzer with a floppy drive and failing IDE drive requiring hundreds of dollars for probes... looks like junk. + A collection of items/tools that needed repairs / upgrades.

Having never acquired one of the full cables, for over a year, had no time and materials to use other useful things I spent money on to succeed...

Look at me now. I want. I care. I give. Seems like I might finally learn and make use of my Arduino, pickit, and calculators as I intended over a year ago. COM COM COM (hehe)

Seems I got just enough crap laying around to make it work this time!!

Nonetheless, I can't care about apparent misfortunes. I can't care. Going to find work before trouble gets here.

But I gotta say, I'm quite annoyed that my printer drum quit today while delivering some much important reference.

Also, I took apart a cheap keyboard, wanted the key matrix to become MIDI by the Arduino.
Trigger is 2.2V

Yep

hmm, today feels like a day for bein a whiner.

>tfw panic disorder
>tfw creative nightmares
>tfw dissociating and freaking people out
>tfw literal stereotypical bi, back and forth and never "satisfied"
>tfw lonely all day and lonely all night
>tfw unfair to your boyfriend and hating yourself for it because it's not his fault he can't be around right now, obviously, and you're supposed to be more supportive
>tfw everybody moved away and you're getting old
>tfw auto-immune disorder
>tfw no family
>tfw 神様がいなくて

...

whine whine whine

Yes Alex, I mean to try to get girlfriend. I don't know the correct term.

To know all the specific English vocabulary is hard.

Answering you:

I don't want to go to birthdays or events, I only speak with the people around me in the laboratory, but I don't have friends, and today, I think I'm happy.

I'm discovering Theoretical Physical Chemistry, and doing microscopic calculus and simulations, filling all the 12GB of RAM of my PC.

Sometimes I would like to have friends, but today I'm happy.

And about memories, I can't go out with my friends, I have to search memories in other part.

P.D.: I am Asperger Syndrome, and this means social disability. I should be happy.

Thanks for your answer!

Sometimes my life sucks as well.

Currently I live in a student house with 6 people, including me. They are all a member of a different student association, while I am the only one of another one. That already makes me sad, because they are just different type of people, not that that is bad at all, but I prefer people from my 'own' student association. They are like cursing and swearing each time, they drink almost every evening beer, and there I am. I am 'soft' (being friendly, quietly, mild), I'm not social, it's hard for me to start a talk, I don't drink beer, so their 'party's' are not fun for me. They are all talking with each other, but me. I'm somewhere at the edge, nodding all the time, but I don't say anything. I've had days where I was the entire day at my small room of 2x3 meter, very small, just doing stuff at my laptop, lonely, only went downstairs for eating or such. I would love to move to another house, but yay, I'm 'forced' to stay here until August, because of my contract. Yay. I can actually move, but then I need to find someone else who wants to live in my room, to pay rent. Well, of course nobody is that stupid, because no one wants to live in a room of 2x3 meter, although it's cheap. Which means I have like 5 months to go until summer break, 5 months of being lonely and unsocial. Yay.

Luckily there are nice moments in my life. Cemetech is all the time for me like a family, I've most of the time good talks, I feel safe and happy over there/here. Being a member of this community is GREAT, being a global moderator is AWESOME! Thank you for that! <3 Now only I need to survive for like 5 months...

I will do everything in my power to help you survive, PT_! Because you are an awesome friend, and a great fellow Cemetechian 😊😊 ❤❤❤

Agreed. And you are an great inventor of words!

I will help you to survive to the very end PT_! You are a super awesome member to Cemetech and a great friend to all people!

Sure they are. Buy yourself some sparkling cider or root beer and join in. I don't drink but go to bars with my friends, go to their social nights at home, etc. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you need to exclude yourself. It's not about drinking, it's about socializing. I promise you man, just put yourself out there. Every situation is different, so if they're talking about something you know nothing about then obviously don't interject. Some of my best memories are from bars when I'm chatting with a friend and some random guy joins our conversation because he overheard us talking about the ethics of self driving cars or the politics of building a wall. In fact, on that night we some how managed to get a group of 4 random people talking about US Politics with us.

We didn't invite them into our conversation. We didn't get mad that they joined in. That's what parties and bars are about: Mingling. Of course, had my friend and I been talking about a private matter, then we may have reacted differently and asked the stranger to leave. Only you can change yourself man. Get out of your room and, more importantly, get out of your comfort zone. I have many regrets as a young teenager and in my early twenties because I didn't get out enough. I was like you, I thought people who enjoyed the things I did would find me and invite me to stuff. But reality is, that doesn't happen. You need to put your foot down and in other peoples business.

Sorry for sounding harsh. I mean well.

It really depends, though. While I was originally not the type of person to go out, get drunk and party, I eventually realized that the reason why that was the case is because the people that wanted to party with me were not necessarily the most desirable people around or had completely different fields of interest that I just didn't care about. So I could totally understand PT_ for not being interested about his roomate partys.

In my case, things changed after I met people with similar fields of interests (juju, for instance). Otherwise at partys I often found myself unable to figure out what to say. With similar people as me it can definitively make a considerable difference. The only thing that keeps me away from going out or partying often nowadays is the lack of decent public transit in my city and being in the process of saving up a lot of money.

While true, none of these people need to stay in your lives. The four strangers at the bar? I didn't add them on FB or get their number. I'll never see them again and that's fine.

I also concede that the term "party" is a pretty lose term. It can mean anything from a large group of people with loud music and red solo cups to a social gathering. My family has a Christmas Party, Thanksgiving Party, etc etc. I've never been the one to enjoy parties with keg stands and high amounts of ruckus. If those are indeed the types of parties PT_ means, then I agree 100%.

About the different fields of interest. I find that to be a very interesting conversation opener. After I find out what their job/career is, I ask them what they do. Then I just ask questions about other things. Maybe after they tell me about what they do, I'll try and find a way that their career relates to mine or my interests. This is going to be fake for the sake of argument but if I were talking to a marine biologist, "I study an area of marine biology that looks at the bioluminescence of deep see organisms." Oh, that's neat! What sort of real world applications are you after? "We hope to bring this to paint and other applications to create larger and more efficient light sources." Where do you see the application of this in 80 years? Do you envision this to be used on whole walls while we live underground from nuclear fallout? And it goes on. Maybe if they were a video gamer we'd start talking about the Fallout series or discussing some sort of post-apocalyptic scenario.

That feeling when you're graduating from high school, and people and friends are leaving to all kinds of different places, going on with their lives. I don't even think it's fully hit me yet that I won't be coming back next year.

I really hate goodbyes.