Q: What occupation did the three wisemen have?
A: They were firemen because they came from afar
Did you hear about the blonde that froze to death? She went to see closed for winter.
You are so stupid when someone asked you to change the light you asked where were its diapers.
Yeah, those either A) don't make sense (particularly the wording on the last one), or B) just aren't funny
The only joke here is this thread.
jpez wrote:
The only joke here is this thread.
That was the funniest phrase yet posted in this thread.
A guy is in a lake drowning when a boat pulls up. The captain asks the man if he needs help. The man tells him, "No thanks god will save me." So the boat leaves. A second boat pulls up and the captain asks the man if he needs help. The man says, "No thanks god will save me." So the second boat pulls off and the guy drowns and dies. When he goes to heaven he asks god, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "I sent you two boats."
That was funnier than the other two... or three... or four...
Have any of you guys seen
this site?
one of my favorite sites.
Indeed, I was once fond of that site myself. Thanks for pointing it out - I had forgotten where to find it.
Wow. More popular than I thought.
BTW, to always know where it is, just google "stupidities".
Quote:
How to meet the woman of your dreams:
Code:
if (WomanOfDreamsProximity == "Close") {
VoicePitch = VoicePitch - 10db;
EyeStatus = "Wink";
if (Hair == "Messy") {
SpitOnHand(StyleHair);
}
Spray(BreathFreshener);
if (BreathFreshenerDestination == "Eyeball") {
CryLikeABaby();
Run(away);
exit;
}
loop while (DistanceToWoman > 0) {
if ((DistanceToWoman mod 2) = 0) {
MoveLeftFoot(forward);
} else {
MoveRightFoot(forward);
}
}
Begin(Conversation);
if (ConversationResponse == "Hostile") {
exit;
} else {
Giggle(LikeSchoolgirl);
InviteWoman(Home);
}
}
Quote:
Life
Code: #include<Family.h>
#include<Friends.h>
#include<god.h>
int main(void)
{
unsigned long friends=0;
int enemies=0;
LifeTimeGoal *q,*p=NULL;
p=(LifeTimeGoal*)malloc(sizeof(lifetime_acheivement));
q=p;
while(ALIVE)
{
freinds++;if(enemies)enemies--;
if(problem)
{
printf("\n Don`t Worry");
Solve(&problem);
prinf("\n Nothing is Impossible");
}
LoveAndAffection();
q++;
KeepSmiling();
}
printf("\n %s : %s\n","Let the World Know",(char*)p);
}
warning:function mainLife should return an achievment.
lafferjm wrote:
A guy is in a lake drowning when a boat pulls up. The captain asks the man if he needs help. The man tells him, "No thanks god will save me." So the boat leaves. A second boat pulls up and the captain asks the man if he needs help. The man says, "No thanks god will save me." So the second boat pulls off and the guy drowns and dies. When he goes to heaven he asks god, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "I sent you two boats."
That's from Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith.
Stupidities wrote:
* Customer: "Hi there. I got this CD from an American, and he says that his ISP is better than mine because the calls are free. So can I install it?"
* Me: "Yes sir, that's your choice completely. But is this an American ISP? Because if so, I don't think it will work with your computer."
* Customer: "Listen, I happen to be a computer student. I know exactly what I'm doing, so don't insult my intelligence!" (click)
Ten minutes later, he called back, humbled.
* Customer: "My computer exploded."
* Me: "What!? How did that happen?"
* Customer: "Well, the CD didn't work. I couldn't get through to the ISP. So, I changed the computer to American power."
DShiznit wrote:
Quote:
* Customer: "Hi there. I got this CD from an American, and he says that his ISP is better than mine because the calls are free. So can I install it?"
* Me: "Yes sir, that's your choice completely. But is this an American ISP? Because if so, I don't think it will work with your computer."
* Customer: "Listen, I happen to be a computer student. I know exactly what I'm doing, so don't insult my intelligence!" (click)
Ten minutes later, he called back, humbled.
* Customer: "My computer exploded."
* Me: "What!? How did that happen?"
* Customer: "Well, the CD didn't work. I couldn't get through to the ISP. So, I changed the computer to American power."
Uh, it's not overly funny, but, I guess it's slightly humorous?
Quote:
DShiznit wrote:
Quote:
* Customer: "Hi there. I got this CD from an American, and he says that his ISP is better than mine because the calls are free. So can I install it?"
* Me: "Yes sir, that's your choice completely. But is this an American ISP? Because if so, I don't think it will work with your computer."
* Customer: "Listen, I happen to be a computer student. I know exactly what I'm doing, so don't insult my intelligence!" (click)
Ten minutes later, he called back, humbled.
* Customer: "My computer exploded."
* Me: "What!? How did that happen?"
* Customer: "Well, the CD didn't work. I couldn't get through to the ISP. So, I changed the computer to American power."
Uh, it's not overly funny, but, I guess it's slightly humorous?
I think it's really funny.
Edit- Nevermind. I was going to joke about how I'm an Advanced Newbie, but you're one now too so it doesn't make sense anymore...
DShiznit wrote:
Edit- Nevermind. I was going to joke about how I'm an Advanced Newbie, but you're one now too so it doesn't make sense anymore...
Ugh, total postcount whoring!
Jk. I just want to be "special" too.
No, kidding again. I don't think the joke is terribly funny either. Just "slightly humorous" in my opinion as well.
I think it would be better if the sentences weren't so awkward. Was this translated from a language other than English?
Well I have been sparing you guys from my jokes for a while so now it is time to break some more out. This one was told to me by one of my professors.
Biology students decided that they were going to do an experiment with frogs. They were going to see how far it could jump with four legs and then keep cutting a leg off and seeing how far it could jump.
The students put a frog with four legs on a table and said, "jump frog". The frog jumped about four feet so they wrote down frog with four legs jumps four feet. They proceeded to cut one leg off and put the frog on the table and said, "jump frog". The frog jumped about three feet so they wrote down frog with three legs jumps three feet. They cut another leg off and put the frog on the table and said, "jump frog". The frog jumped about two feet so they wrote that down. Then they cut another leg off and told the frog to jump and it jumped about one foot. They wrote that down and cut its last leg off.
They told the frog to jump and it didn't do anything, so they told it to jump again. It still didn't do anything so they told it one more time jump frog. It still didn't jump so they wrote down frog with no legs can't hear.
Quote:
Well I have been sparing you guys from my jokes for a while so now it is time to break some more out. This one was told to me by one of my professors.
Biology students decided that they were going to do an experiment with frogs. They were going to see how far it could jump with four legs and then keep cutting a leg off and seeing how far it could jump.
The students put a frog with four legs on a table and said, "jump frog". The frog jumped about four feet so they wrote down frog with four legs jumps four feet. They proceeded to cut one leg off and put the frog on the table and said, "jump frog". The frog jumped about three feet so they wrote down frog with three legs jumps three feet. They cut another leg off and put the frog on the table and said, "jump frog". The frog jumped about two feet so they wrote that down. Then they cut another leg off and told the frog to jump and it jumped about one foot. They wrote that down and cut its last leg off.
They told the frog to jump and it didn't do anything, so they told it to jump again. It still didn't do anything so they told it one more time jump frog. It still didn't jump so they wrote down frog with no legs can't hear.
Lol I love science jokes.
eeeeewwwwweeee! That's sick. Sickly hilarious, I must admit.
