In an event initially suspected to be a bug in our forum software, long-time member Fred “mr womp womp” Desautels has been promoted to global moderator. A self-proclaimed “hater of the administration,” womp was previously treated as a political enemy before (in a rare progressive move) his silent promotion in late 2024¹. As an administration team, we look forward to continuing to hear his baseless complaints about “the way things are run around here” and hope that you find womp relatable and approachable. He assures us that he will use his new powers to aid our perpetual battle against spam and “make our memes channel funny again” but, yknow, who is really going to provide any oversight if he does anything wrong.

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¹: I have been avoiding making a news post until now because I have a lingering feeling that womp will turn this into some kind of karma farm².
²: Let's all give Womp a big round of karma to celebrate his new promotion!

Very well done. We got our forum back!!

WOMP WILL BECOME OWNER APRIL 3RD 2025 AAAAAAAHHHH

I have been personally gunning for womp's promotion to global overlord moderator on Cemetech for years. His work in collecting and documenting calculators, achieved by sending several thousand dollars to suspicious persons overseas, has been foundational in the continued de-enrichment of America's youth, which is quite the accomplishment given that he's Canadian.

I first met womp on a forlorn street corner in Toronto while waiting for the bus in the rain. He was holding over two hundred protos in his arms, hugging them like a reunited lost lover. I asked him for the time, as I'd left my calculator purchased at exactly midnight on January 1st, 2015 at home, and he said "too late for me, but you're gonna go far, kid." I will never forget those words, nor the sound of two hundred protos crashing onto rain-coated asphalt. I joined Chematech later that same day.

And it goes without saying that womp is one of the meme posters of all time. He lets nothing stand in the way of his humor, except the other admins, except when he's complaining about them. I can think of no pillar more important to an oligarchical constitutional dictatorship like Cementtech than accountability; womp exudes it in strides and from an unknown number of orifices. Thank you iPhoenix for this amazing update from the Celerytech admin team; like a young wizard with an ambiguously worded and vaguely threatening moral code in the first chapter of a fantasy novel, I'm sure he will use his powers wisely.

Congratulations on the promotion, mr womp womp. This is definitely a real event that is in no way an April Fool's joke.

WOMP FOR MOD 2021

And hereby commenced the Great Cemetech Protests of 2025, which followed shortly after mr womp womp's promotion to the global moderator of Cemetech.