I gotta say, Life does suck. A lot. Ive done some regrettable stuff to try and deal with that...
I literally see things out of the corner of my eyes sometimes, mostly when im tired or in dark spaces/shadows.
My spirituality says that this is normal, but at this point, its the last thing i need to start “seeing spirits” or stuff.
I wont talk about anything ive done until I get an OK that I can talk about it. I feel it would really help to throw my voice into the microcosm called the internet, but im not sure. Just need to make sure I wont be banned for it, because this is my last group of real people.
Heck when I am older (If i even get there), I might look back on this.
I feel trapped by my family. They dont know i have discord or use cemetech, but they are very overbearing and invasive. They dont know much about me. Heck, there are people here that know more about me than my immediate family.why? Because my family never takes the time.
Im never gonna be anywhere near as loved as my stepsister. She is the golden child, and there is nothing i can do about it.
I get along with people at school, but they feel fake somehow. Like im living in a badly made simulation or something. Does anyone know what Im talking about?
My parents never beat me or anything. They just told me i was worthless. I sorta believe them, too. They make me question my sanity by telling me things they did in the past never happened. They tried to get me diagnosed as schizophrenic, and still say im “just undiagnosed”.
My public school called child services on them twice, but they were able to dance their way out every time. They took me out of public school because “they get into our business too much”.
Now im in a somewhat new school. Im lucky that im boarding, because if i was still at home, i would be dead by now most likely.
And now, they are saying Im paying for my own college, because “we spent all your college money on other stuff”. My grandparents have offered to pay, but my parents told them i am not going to college.
Well, that was a rant. Sorry if that was a waste of your time. I really should just shut up.

Yknow what? Imma shut up until further notice.
I got an ok to put my more triggering stuff here. If you have a problem with this sorta stuff, please dont read this...

Confessions:


I tried to overdose last November. Ive been in a psych ward twice in the past year. I cut (somehow i havent for a few months). Scissors hurt. Scars hurt. Blood is hard to get out of stuff. People react badly to scars. My parents said it was “for attention” and i get in trouble when i do it. Like, REAL trouble. Im not about to go into what that means, just know its not fun. They said my therapist told them that was what it was. My therapist said she told them no such thing. My parents can access my email, so that means I cant email my therapist freely. My dad drank all the time, but now he's in AA, but to be honest, the drinking didn’t make him mean, he’s just mean. My actual mom is dead. She had early Leukemia when she was pregnant with me. She died when I was two. My parents still refuse to talk about her. My stepmother is a manipulative b****. I am scared to die, but hate existing.

If the little things can make you so happy, why cant they make you depressed, too?

I still havent told my parents im trans/bi. I think they would just use it against me like everything else. My dad is still mad im not doing sports this year. Im not a jock like my dad wanted me to be. Im not anything ANYONE wants, except for a few people that have no real sway over my life.

I hope someone finds this one day, years in the future. It might even be me who finds this. I might come back if im still alive. But to all you future people: hello from 2021. Life sucks. Send help. Or grape soda Smile

Does anyone else feel drained by just existing? The only reason i carry on is “oh, but this will happen in a week, so i cant die yet” type of stuff.

Is there anybody out there? Can anyone hear me? I have a lot thats on my mind.
Sometimes i feel like im gonna die in my sleep. Its actually a relaxing feeling, and theres sorta a “dammit” when i wake up.

Wow thats a lot.
...and I thought my life was bad.
I hope you've found a great community with Cemetech.
Don't commit suicide; there's a lot to live for yet.

Also: about the email: check out protonmail. You don't need any previous email/phone number to sign up.
Oh man, that's horrible. It infuriates me that you're being restricted from your access to legitimate help. My initial reaction is to suggest figuring out a method of private contact with your therapist. It depends on your age and what state you're in, but any information you give your therapist might be protected under HIPAA. So, once you have a means of private communication, it should be impossible for your parents to get any information without your consent. I'm not very knowledgeable in this area so be sure to verify that therapy is protected by HIPAA and that your state allows you to keep your information private. I hope you find some solace on Cemetech, we'll do our best to support you through the rough times.
I will happily send you some grape soda if possible! Feel free to DM me your address and I will see how I can do it Smile.
Ok thanks everyone!
Dont send me the soda, that was a joke. I normally would say yes, but im leaving school in a bit, and the divorce means i wont know where im staying.
I checked, and HIPPA is a thing where i live! Yahoo!
But yeah, it will be hard to mantain a private email...
My parents tried to get me arrested bc of a meme they found on my old email. It was about school shootings. The conversation was like this:
Parents: “hes gonna shoot up the school!”
School: “ok were kicking him out”
Parents: “why did you do that, wave?”
I was not arrested (thankfully) for that, or when my parents tried to convince my one friend to file me as a sex offender.
Tldr on that: she said heck no, and my parents tried to tell her parents i had assaulted her or some other lie, but her parents (thank god) saw through the BS.

If anyone wanted to mail me anything, i would be open to it. Just say so, and what you want to mail.
Yeah, life sucks, but it sucks a little less when I’m here.
Dude, your parents suck.
Wavejumper3 wrote:
Ok thanks everyone!
Dont send me the soda, that was a joke. I normally would say yes, but im leaving school in a bit, and the divorce means i wont know where im staying.

Ooh, a divorce means legal proceedings, which means you get to decide custody if you're underage, and I imagine that the previous inquires from child services and a testimony of yours would probably lead to some wonderful chaos. Do get a new email and start cutting them out of your life, if you they can't touch you physically, then they can't enforce anything if you're virtually rebelling.

Now for me to whine about things. I recently found out my parents have been using lots more parental controls than I was aware of, and my paranoia is evolving into anxiety over security holes and a lack of privacy. Now that I'm 18, this is technically illegal, but I'm too passive to take matters into my own hands. I've got multiple ways to completely undermine anything and everything they can try, but again, I'm not assertive enough. I constantly feel like I'm not getting enough done even while I destroy myself with late-night studies and work. My depression, which I defeated once, is coming back with all my self-loathing and uncertainty. Basically, everything sucks like it always has and I either can't fix stuff fast enough or am the source of the problem itself. But I really like fixing stuff, so I guess I'll just some stuff to the project list.
King dub dub:
Dont be passive. I would confront your parents about the stuff, and if they aren’t responsive, i would confront other family members.
Also, I am not sure about if i will even be a part of the legal proceedings. They may honestly only start living seperately (a divorce in practice), but without the legal stuff. If i do get to say anything, though, i will.
Also, my status as a “disabled” minor may change that (tldr: Autism). I hope i have a say, though. Does anyone know how I would go about that?
So imma just rant here:
My parents are now saying i am not going to APPLY to colleges, as it would be "a waste of money". Everyone in my life except for my parents has said this is an awful idea and a waste of potential.
Does anyone have any advice on this? I am trying to see if my grandparents will pay, but my parents have cut me off from them completely.
I feel like im gonna go insane. My parents also recently decided to effectively ban me from all weekend activities, so now i have nothing to do on weekends. Im gonna be living with my dad for a month after school ends, without ANY access to the internet. He constantly belittles me and says what i am doing is wrong, and when i get angry/react in any way, he makes me seem like the bad guy.
I don't need help, i just want this all to end.
Like, really.
yo wave what are you applying to? If its an obscure degree in liberal arts then I 100% agree with your parents. If its not, and you have great grades, make sure what you are taking has a net increase in money. Check your major. Does it pay good? Is it worth the degree? If so, then take out a loan and apply. Try your best and make the most out of your degree. Check if your state offers in state scholarships. In where I live, every student that goes to public college can get their bachelors free I think, so money would not be an issue. Take AP courses and earn college credit. I'm not the most reliable for advice, but its some help never the less. Remember that there are many communities online that will support you.
I'm thinking of getting into computer science and teaching. I think the CS should pay well, but am not sure if college is the best path there (advice welcome). Teaching should pay OK, and college is definetly best for that.
Im more concerend about how my parents are treating me than college rn. I hope it gets better. It probably won't.
Let's just hope your parents NEVER see this thread! My dad teaches CS at a local college and I wouldn't say we're rich, but we're not starving either. Razz I think a career in CS would be great, so you should definitely try to work toward that even if your parents are very discouraging. Do you think there is a chance your life will be better now that you're not living with your stepmom?
Problem In My Life [solved]

I no longer live with my parents (yes, finally :beckerfaust: ).
My parents have been beating me and my siblings all my life,
after 15 years I finally opened my mouth and got help
(I don't care what my parents say about it now! Ha! ).
I have now been taken into custody and live in a kind of children's home.
I am finally feeling much better! Yeah, first partying with loud AC/DC music!
I can now develop freely in school and learn well again. My life is looking up!
I just have to process this trauma-like stuff in my head.
These memories make a lot of trouble.
My eyes that have suffered from my parents will unfortunately never get better Sad
If the ophthalmologist finds that my eyes are broken because of my father
(my father hit me hard on the head four years ago, my eyes have been very sick since then),
then he can probably go to jail for a while!
My parents have already been tried in a youth court.
I happened to stumble across this made by tr1p1ea. I thought maybe it might fit here.



Maybe I'll be happy again sometime. For now I just feel like I have a bunch of crappy problems to solve.
Beautiful.
I wish that you really will be happy again in the near future.
I guess this isn't so much of a "My life sucks" more than it is a "I didn't realize what's it's like to be busy with nothing"

I remember my younger years when I was frustrated at others for not having the time to do things. I thought that because they weren't working they had time to work on projects and spend time helping me.

I have a quarter acre plot for myself. On that plot, I have a moderately sized house. This isn't about me bragging, this is me setting the scene. I live alone.

Outside of work I have the following things that I must do weekly-ish:
  • prepare dinner
  • grocery shop
  • yard work
  • errands
  • clean house
  • laundry
  • meal-prep
  • socialize
  • hobbies
  • side gigs/photography
  • ...probably more


Dinner is a daily thing, I give myself 2 days a week where I don't plan dinner. This lets me get take out, delivery, go out with friends, or eat left overs.

Grocery shopping isn't always weekly if I plan it right but I can't really buy too far out.

Yard work is at least 3 days of the week, and often times I don't get to pick which days those are. My backyard takes about an hour to mow. My front yard is another day, but also an hour too. I do these on separate days because I still need to prepare dinner after work, and I don't really want to spend 2 hours doing yard work, to then spend 1-2 hours on dinner. I haven't even touched on weed whacking, raking, and blowing the cut grass - and, in fall, the leaves. Easily a 3-4 day ordeal. And if it rains, I can't do yard work that evening. So I need to do the next day or ASAP otherwise it's two weeks between lawn mows -- and this lawn grows fast! I bought electric tools so I don't need to winterize them, there's no fluids to freeze in the winter temps.

Errands include a multitude of stops, could be going to the hardware store to purchase materials for landscaping my backyard. Heading to a friends to grab a tool I don't want to buy. Going thrift store shopping, stopping by the postal office to take care of something, heading to the dentist or other appointments.

Cleaning house is less of a chore, I purchased a robot vacuum and a mop, so cleaning the floors is pretty straight forward, but I have two stories, so I need to manually vacuum the other floor or move the vacuum between floors (thank god I don't gotta mop the second floor!). But I still need to clean showers, sinks, toilets, mirrors, counter tops, the stove top, and more. -- I long for the day I automate my lawn mower.

Laundry isn't time consuming, it's just... exact. I got to get to the dryer relatively fast so I can hang up clothes before they wrinkle. So I can't be nose deep in a game or yard work. Need to schedule that when I'm doing something leisurely. I tend to schedule the dryers end time when I should be finished eating dinner. On the weekends I can usually get two loads done if I plan it for the end of lunch and dinner.

Meal prep is an ordeal. Man. I usually make two rounds of muffins, 24 total. Two a day for breakfast and two a day for lunch. Plus preparing a normal meal for work lunch. These are usually my most kitchen intensive days and when I make time to clean the kitchen. Usually 2 muffin trays, 2 mixing bowls, a pot for pasta or a skillet for chicken and anything else. Then I clean the stove, the kitchen sink, and the counter tops.

Socializing I'll gladly put first over anything else BUT I'll be embarrassed to have anyone over if my house isn't clean or my yard isn't in shape. So it's pressure on me to keep up with these things. Can I have friends over if I have pots in the sink and a lawn that's sorta long? Of course, I'm not saying my house needs to be perfect and pristine, there's a difference between having a mess versus ignoring a mess. Socializing includes dating.

Socializing also includes time with my cat. As weird as it is, he's still a living being that needs attention, affection, stimulation, and I can't neglect him. I don't just live with him, he is my roommate and friend. People who get pets but don't pay them any mind don't deserve pets.

I've been depressed enough to where I lived out of my dryer and dish washer for a week or longer; the dirty dishes piled up in the sink and overflowed onto the counters and my laundry filled the basket and sat on the floor. That's a mess that I ignored.

I still need to get outside. Being home is great and all but I still want to do things. Socialize outside of the house. Go for hikes, go take photos. A hike is easily 3-4 hours out of a day, maybe a full day if it's a farther driver or a longer hike. Maybe it's a bike ride, or a day at the gym. -- Just kidding, it's not the gym, I don't have time for that.

I also still take photos for money. So I need to find time to edit those photos and get them back in a timely manner.

I have family visiting in a few weeks, they'll help me with a few house projects I can't do alone. Those materials need to be ordered this week so they can be delivered in two weeks, before they get here in three weeks. So my time is spent running around to hardware stores seeing if I can get 8' and 10' materials delivered. Spent online looking up plan B if I can't.

Finding time to advance a career, whether it's looking for companies to apply at or taking trainings and courses. Some work environments encourage you to find time during the work week for education and advancement, others don't so you need to do that on your own time.

So, me not wanting to do something isn't because I don't want to. It's because I can't. I live alone, I don't have someone to help me with cleaning, cooking, yard work, etc. I've purchased robots to help in some regards but it's still not enough. My floor robots can't traverse stairs, can't dust counter tops, stack the cupboards and dishwasher, edge my lawn and lay down pavers. They can't shovel snow off my entryway or snow-blow my driveway.

It's amazing how priorities shift when you live at your parents to when you live on your own. Folks who live in apartments don't have less to do. Maybe they need to spend 2 hours at the laundromat, or taking public transit to the grocery and their appointments. The time is allocated differently but still important.

On the weekdays I have ~5 hours after work to do a number of these. Sometimes I get off a little late and sometimes I go to bed late, but it's 5 hours from the time I should be off work to the time I should head to bed. If cooking, yard work, and errands take an hour each, that leaves 2 hours. That is spent eating and watching YouTube (or watching friends stream their games) and another hour is spent showering and cleaning up from dinner plus time with my cat.

I also need to be mindful of the Sun, mowing the lawn at 8p isn't ideal.

Like I said, this isn't so much my life sucks but a "wow, I had no idea this is what being busy is actually like"
Yes it's very busy being grown up unfortunately - not something we really give our parents credit for when growing up Very Happy.

The worst is when you actually DO get some free time, you're tired and cbf doing anything creative/constructive sometimes ...
This is why I'm trying to save up to go live on the road. Mind you, I don't really have many things tying me down at this stage in my life other than not having a whole lot of money, and well, general depression I guess. But really I try to live rather minimally so I can keep saving up.

I make money baking right now, I also do doordash, and I'm investing in cryptos (DOGE TO THE MOON!!!). I was making a few cents writing stories and doing photos online at one point but I haven't done any of that in a while.

Anyway, living in a house and living on the road both have their upsides and their downsides but I think the major upside of living on the road is that sense of adventure and not being tied down in one spot paying off bills in a house..... I think that's what a lot of my generation is also feeling.

I still do live at home at the moment so I know what a lot of all that feels like. It can feel very repetitive, and sometimes I even feel like mowing the lawn every week is such a waste. Like there should be more local gardens in neighborhoods or something. I'm rambling now though sorry, hope I got my point across.
So would you have some kind of setup in your vehicle that would allow you to sleep etc and take advantage of nomadic services (like trailer parks amenities and stuff)? (Do you live in the US?).
  
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