This one's a little long but is currently my best joke. Eh, it might be tied for first with this one other one but its still pretty funny.
There's two lumberjacks working at a mill. One of them (let's call him Fred) is horsing around, he's kind of a goofball, and he ends up accidentally cutting his arm off. His partner (let's call him George) puts Fred's arm in a bag and drives him off to the hospital ASAP. George comes back the next day to visit his friend Fred at the hospital, and he appeasr to be doing just fine - he's even playing tennis, with both of his arms. George is a little incredulous but doesn't worry too much about it.
They both go back to work at the mill the next day. Fred hasn't learned from his mistake and he's still screwing around just like he was the first day. This time, however, the consequence is worse - Fred manages to cut his own leg off. So, George puts Fred's leg in a bag and rushes him off to the hospital. He comes back to visit his friend the next day, and he appears to be perfectly fine, again - he's playing soccer, with both of his legs.
On the third day, they go back to work again. Fred is still being an idiot, just like the last two days. THIS time, Fred cuts his head off. But, not to worry, George puts Fred's head in a bag and drops him off at the hospital. By this time he's just going through the motions. Anyways, George comes back to visit the next day, and so he asks the nurse about his friend. The nurse says, "Oh, that guy? Yeah, he would have made it, but some moron put his head in a bag and he suffocated."
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