What is with this tendency for someone to break off all communication after a date, as opposed to contacting you to express a lack of further interest? Why not formally break things off? That's just wasting the other person's time. If you're not interested, then tell them so they don't have to sit around waiting for you to call. The sooner they know to get on with their life, the sooner they can get back out there and start meeting new people. It's just common decency.

My new policy is that I will date whomever I want, simultaneous to as many people as I want to date. If you're interested in getting to know me, then you'll have to compete to show me how sincere your interest is. I'm not going to sit around pining over someone while they decide whether or not to call me.

Now, as to how well that will actually go... I can't yet say. Some people seem jealous when it comes to dating multiple persons. I don't necessarily think that going on a single date means you've already formed a monogamous commitment to someone, anyway.

It doesn't bother me if someone didn't enjoy my company, but I don't appreciate having my time wasted when they commit to maintain contact and don't actually follow through. I'm honest about these things. If I don't like someone, I will explicitly say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, but I don't think there's any chemistry here. Good luck to you." That's not difficult. It's not like you're crushing their ego. I'm sure (hopefully most) people have the maturity to understand that not everyone is going to find them romantically interesting. Then again, I'm sure there are some people who probably don't handle rejections very well. I wouldn't lie just to mitigate a confrontation with one of them.

I chose the first poll option, because I'm super-old-fashioned about monogamy and dating. I have a hard time accepting even people that my girlfriend dated or "dated" (especially the latter) beforehand, and I wouldn't be involved with someone that I didn't have a deep emotional connection with, so it's sort of a moot question. Depending on what happens with my life and with societal norms around me, I'd be interested to see if I keep my ideals or if they shift over time. I'd agree that stringing you along when a potential relationship had no, well, potential wouldn't be cool at all, certainly.

Depends what you mean by dating. Most people link "dating" to formal relationship, but it's certainly not the case that a formal relationship requires dates, or that dates require a formal relationship. What I expect most is honesty from both parties about the situation.

That being said, I'm currently in a relationship that's coming up on the 2 year marker.

Two and a half years in 25 days for me, as far as I know! And I definitely agree that formal dates are not required for the start of a relationship, although that's most likely the case when the two parties were friends beforehand, I'd say.

Depends on the persons involved. In my opinion dating shouldn't involve anything intimate and thus, there's no real tie to be devoted to one person.

Now, when I date multiple women, I don't do it to see how sincere or "far" they're willing to go. Rather, I get to know them. I occupy my time with another while waiting to hear from the first, or setting the next date. I myself, use to be devoted to one woman when dating and it just got so boring waiting for the next date. It takes a few dates to understand who they are, more than socially. I don't mean in bed. To me, personality is everything. She & I might have multiple interests in common but I'm not going to engage in a relationship if she shops for doggie rain coats more vigorously than in our interests. If she mentions that her dog needs a rain coat over the course of the date but doesn't shop for one the same night, but rather with her friends or with me another day (informally) that's much better as she knows how to prioritize interests.

They may get jealous but they may also invest more time into being with you. They'll call you and invite you places with her friends or just to see if you want to do anything. On the plus side, you'll spend more time with her so you can get to know her better with her friends - and part of her personality. And the minus, she might jump the gun and introduce you as her boyfriend or overstep some very comfortable bounds.

A dollar spent, is a dollar gone; Sorry about those I don't say anything that drastic, as I like to keep my relationships as friendships.

I've never been in a formal relationship. I've been on dates, many times. But I've haven't regretted choosing to be single over a relationship.

Now, you can go on dates while you're in a relationship with your mate. Those can end up as intimiate as you prefer.

[forever alone]
Yep. That's all I can contribute. `-`

I would completely agree with and follow Zera's philosophy were it not for the above.

You had me understanding your point of view, although not 100% agreeing with you, until this:



I think I'm totally lost now. Are you using the American or British sense of "mate" here?

American. I couldn't think of a good word. Partner is usually reserved for the lesbian and gay couples and companion seemed a little dominant. I didn't want to say girlfriend or boyfriend, wife or husband as I'm sure there are a few female readers in this rather male posted forum.

"Significant other", maybe?

Then you seem to be explicitly suggesting polygamy be the norm, which is the source of my confusion.

Hm, I must have my American and British definitions of the word mixed up.

Benryves, That would have been a better phrase to use

Considering all sorts of web sources (FML, CollegeHumor, etc), and my own overheard stories in highschool which detail the commonness of cheating, I'd say polygamy IS the norm.

I think that I don't care if you want to be polygamic or monogamic, so long as you make it clear which one you're interested. As for me, I seem to not attract anyone, so I can't weigh in too much.

Do it the old fashioned way. Find a pretty one, club her on the head, and drag her back to your cave

Err... kidding aside, polygamy is evolutionarily advantageous, more so than monogamy. However, it isn't wallet-arily advantageous. Probably.

I, for one, call for a massive restructuring of the dating process. Of course, that's entirely infeasible and I'm just jealous at y'all who do have a significant other `-`

That's probably it. ComicIDIOT, in British English "mate" means platonic friend, male or female, and can suggest several levels of closeness (or distance). In American English, your mate is your romantic/sexual partner.

The issue with dating versus relationships is that many people don't seem to make a clear distinction. They believe that both terms have the same rules and expectations, and simply imply different time-frames. To me, it seems like "just dating" would imply you're single, and you're courting more than one person at a time until you settle into an actual relationship. It doesn't mean you're sleeping around or cheating on anyone; you're getting to know different individuals, with whom you may or may not want further contact.

As for the subject of being single...

You people should just put yourself out there. Maybe you aren't making a strong enough effort to meet others. I don't go to bars or clubs, but I've explored online dating and networking through friends. So far, that has worked for me. Unfortunately, it's hit-or-miss with online dating sites. Most of the time, I only seem to get offers for sex, even though I explicitly state, "I am seeking a long-term relationship."

Absolutely this. People need to think this way. It'd benefit humanity as a whole.




I'm socially dysfunctional. Also, I'm a mild hikikomori. Anyway, online dating seems too fishy to me but I guess I'm just paranoid.

There's a lot of crap to weed through, but it's not a bad idea. I've experienced a few (mostly) good relationships through online dating.

Don't worry about being a social recluse. You don't have it nearly as bad as I do. I have frequent panic attacks when meeting new people. Despite how crazy other people must think I am during these episodes, I keep putting myself out there.