That makes me think about how nice my life is. Ashley, I do hope things get better for you. If you feel close to snapping try to think of the good that will happen if you don't snap.

I'm not much of a counselor, but thats what I have for ya!

It may or may not be encouraging to know that a huge fraction of our membership have experienced that in some form or another, and have gone on to find that life generally gets better after graduating high school. I even took a year off before college because I was too burned out to contemplate doing anything resembling formal academics.

With signing my name Ashley - I'm transgender and they don't approve (even though they say they accept it). It's... complicated. -_-

As for this site, that is why I keep the windows on my computer as small as possible. So that way nobody can see what I'm doing. But it's still downright awful. Because they constantly ask about what every single thing that I'm doing is, including everything that I don't want them to know. The only computer they let me use is the tablet that my school checked out to me - which contains tracking software so they can observe everything you do on them. Which means that I am never not being watched.

And to make things worse, even as I write this the school thinks I put Minecraft launchers on the Apps drive. I renamed the launchers when I found them (communism.jar and democracy.exe respectively), but I had nothing to do with putting them there. So now I'm waiting for the school social worker to find out what the [bleep]'s going on for me. This is RIDICULOUS. Just because I'm a "hacker" (even though I've lost so much passion and drive for pretty much everything that I barely qualify for the title anymore) I was the one that put Minecraft on the server and I can change anyone's grades if they pay me. I tell you, if my hair was long enough I would be tearing it out and screaming right now. These morons!!!!

What sucks about that is that you renamed the launchers. If you didn't, you probably wouldn't have been called by the school. All they probably saw is who last edited the file, and that's exactly what they went on. What you can do is tell them to go to file properties->details and see who the file owner is. Chances are, it will point them in another direction, and you'll be fine.

As for my advice with the gender stuff: If your school has a GSA club or similar, I'd start there. Also depending on where you go to college (even in the south), there are student organizations that help transgender people through stuff, and oftentimes, you can go to the school directly about your gender and you can get things like rooming, what pronouns professors use, and what they put you down as on their records taken care of. (and when I say even in the south, I mean it. UGA is a prime example)

Angelstorm: call me a creeper (), but you certainly seem to live on a beautiful island! (in your profile, you say you live on Hilton Head Island, SC). Please tell me you do get to visit the beach? Or take bike rides in your neighborhood? It seems like there are some pretty houses on that island! Do you even get the chance to not be paranoid? Being paranoid for a long period of time would stress me out... I really do hope things get better for you. If not before you are finished with high school, then hopefully after it.

btw, i'm just curious, how old are you? (if you don't want to share that information I understand )

I'm 17 now. And the island is nice …
problem is some people there are nuts. Unfortunately I don't get the chance not to be paranoid. I live every day in fear of being caught in a trap of some sort.
That issue that just happened? As a slap in the face, the school decided to block Cemetech just because i was on it. Then they left a nasty note on my desktop. And to top it all off, I get my account locked out of the system.
My parents didn't like this and we just get in an argument. When I tell them how sick I am of everything, they just yell at me. If anybody pushes me any further, i will explode.

Could you ask for counseling from an outside source, or would your parents limit that too?

I'm already seeing a counselor. It's nit really helping. I'm also taking an antidepressant but I still feel crappy, hopeless, frustrated...

sound like your parents also might need some counseling, not to be rude to them, but..... what they are doing is not helping anything, the way i hear it. that's definitely not the way to raise someone...

Ha. Try telling them that.
I tell you, one of these days I'm just going to walk out. I can't take it anymore.

Kind of reminds me of "Chinese Cinderella". the book is based off a true story. although, i feel your situation may be a little bit better than the one in the book.

basically, this chinese girl is born, but her mother ends up dying in the process. her family now think she is bad luck. most of her family hates her. her father and stepmother are very mean to her. they often yell at her for pretty much everything, and they have VERY strict rules. i mean, VERY. she enjoys school, but hates her home life. they then send her to a boarding school, with communists about to invade the town that the school is in, and most everybody is gone already. just shows how much they care for her. also, the father one time even asks what her NAME is, because he has forgotten it. goes to show even more how much they don't care about her. she ends up succeeding in life against all odds, and her stepmom asks for forgiveness much later.

if you want to read more about the book you can google it. that was just my short summary(ish). ofc, as i said earlier, I think your problem is not quite as bad as the one in the book, but still...

EDIT: if you just stick through it, you will be able to succeed later in life please don't go to the extreme extreme, life is still worth living. of course, i'm not an expert or a counselor or anything, but try to stick through it. if you leave the house, you will obviously need a friend to go to. otherwise, your only relying on your own money... i'm sure you've already thought about this. probably.

One fact about life: What goes down, comes up. What goes up, comes down. So just keep grinding through it, Anglestorm. Eventually, things will look up. There is a limit to how far life can go before it hits rock bottom. And trust me- I know just how tough people can be. Yes, your life sucks, and yes, your parents are complete (removed for appropriateness), but don't let it affect you. If it doesn't affect you, it, well, has no effect on you. So just ignore it and go with the flow. Because if you give up, it will only get worse. I know this personally.

Or tech department is so useless. They called Firefox Developer Edition a "proxy browser" and TokenIDE a hack tool. Then they said they deleted some videos I bought from my flash drive, and they said the contents of my computer were "alarming". I'm not going to stand for this. In going to sic the media on them, starting with the local paper (the Island Packet). I'm not letting those folks dirty my name without reason.

Contents on your computer? WTF have they not heard about the thing called "privacy"?

Pick your battles. I recommend you accept your loss and move on. They aren't publishing this in the papers or anywhere public (that you've mentioned). Your name isn't soiled. You're the one publicly adding these labels to yourself. Getting the paper/media involved may not help your situation.

Secondly, I recommend you calmly approach the tech department and ask why they labeled those programs as such. After they tell you, calmly explain to them what the programs are and how they are relevant to your interests towards a career. Don't get so hung up if they don't see it the way you want them to. Getting upset isn't going to make them see your point and it'll likely hurt your relations with the school, which is the opposite of what you want going into college.

Try to get the tech department to look at what you do with firefox and tokenide.

Apparently not! Let me tell you this: the head tech guy is so paranoid that he once disabled all USB for the whole school b because he thought students were uploading viruses. What actually happened? He shut down an updating computer and corrupted the firewall. This guy does absolutely no research before he accuses something of being a virus.
I find his accusation of me being a cracker quite hurtful, frankly.

Dear Angelstorm: I hope you know that everyone on here will hope you can battle through this crisis and, as others have said, it will get better in the end (although how soon, none of us know).
I can understand you feeling paranoid, when so much of your personal life and interests are being so closely monitored. I don't know if it will help to mention that schools are also paranoid - about the potential for corruption of their networks and other IT systems. Please note that I am not at all suggesting that you have done anything inappropriate with their stuff, only that I know why they are paranoid. Sometimes students (such as yourself) may be more tech-savvy than those employed to maintain the network, and this makes them very nervous about what such students may do.
Having said that, they've obviously handled it very badly. To treat someone with suspicion and mistrust makes it more likely that the "someone" will be provoked into taking the kind of action they fear. Far better to encourage and seek ways for the school to benefit from the expertise of their students. But sadly I'm not in a position to offer them advice.
All I will say is to echo comicIDIOT and urge you to try your best not to be provoked, even to understand why the school is worried about the potential harm a student could cause. Even if their suspicions are unfounded in your case, it is a potential nightmare scenario in principle for a school, and I don't like the way they're dealing with it, but I have some idea of what motivates them (especially if their tech support guy is not too sharp).
The wider world wants and values people like you. You are gaining skills and knowledge that are employable. If you can find the way to reach that end within "the system" rather than being downtrodden by "the system", there will be substantial rewards for you in the end. But getting through in the meantime is tough, and I can't give you a magic wand to make it not be tough.
It's hard to give advice when I don't want to talk down to you, or suggest things that you may think are obvious or have already tried, but it is worth considering if necessary that you cut back on time devoted to your computer-based interests [makes me guilty of Cemetech heresy, possibly]. If you can make sure curriculum work is on an even keel, then those long-term employability prospects are going to rise still further. Every one of us has the temptation to get dominated by our interests (I certainly do), and every one of us needs to be aware that this can be harmful, even when those interests are good.

If I have misunderstood any aspect of your situation, thus making my comments inappropriate, I apologise. Ultimately only you can decide how much of this makes sense and can contribute to pulling you through.

Best wishes, to you Ashley.

@Angelstorm9x3 just realized that we haven't heard from you in a while... how's it going? Hopefully you're okay.

I realize you may not see this for a while, but hopefully you are okay, and when you can, respond

God...... Here's my rant: After months of having a CSE, I am sad (read: PIS**D OFF) that I no longer own a calculator.

Last night, as I was working on my new idea Piano Tiles, my dad walks in and asks me what I was doing. I said that I was programming. He said "Give it to me" and I did. Well.......... He then took it and broke it over his knee and yelled "I've had ENOUGH OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID FU**ING ADDICTION TO GOD**MN PROGRAMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" . I said nothing. He stomps from my room, extremely mad. So yeah..... All programs that I have been working on, like the Piano Tile game and the Missile defense game, are now at 0% completion.... And will remain that way until I can manage to leave the house. Why did he have to do this?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

FYI: I don't have a addiction to programming. It does not control my life. I know when to get off my and go to bed, or to leave for work, or to do something else.